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Sunday, July 30, 2006
Today, went out with agnes. So fun just taking neoprints and buying earring and I manage to get a pretty hairclip at a reasonable price. Though, overall I think I spend a little too much. So oxymoronic. Anyway, we shared about hockey and guys. Nice bonding session. =P!
I love the fried Wanton in Heeren.
I miss taking neoprints
I realize agnes and I are so sk that we did not realize there is such a huge revamp in town.
I’m speaking more and more “that’s it!”
I love splurging.
I miss shopping.
This is one of the few days I’m wearing my heels again.
I do not like rainy weather.
I love marshmallows! Soft and sweet.
I love the fried Wanton in Heeren.
I miss taking neoprints
I realize agnes and I are so sk that we did not realize there is such a huge revamp in town.
I’m speaking more and more “that’s it!”
I love splurging.
I miss shopping.
This is one of the few days I’m wearing my heels again.
I do not like rainy weather.
I love marshmallows! Soft and sweet.
NDP preview 29th July 2006
It is the most nostalgic experience I ever had. So what about the pushing and squeezing with people and take an hour walk from National Stadium to Kallang Mrt station that people usually detest? I tell it’ll worth every minutes and seconds of your life.
This is one of the few experiences that only a few privileged can enjoy as not everyone gets to have the tickets. Firstly, I ought to say this is that those people who seem so unenthusiastic about NDP may as well give away tickets. They really do not deserve to be here. The whole sector only tty and me scream the loudest. That is why I say it is nostalgic as the last time I cheered like that it was during my Cedar days? Even I cheered quite loud, the spirit doesn’t feel the same as I had back then.
Another point of nostalgia is that we Cedarians perform the 2003 NDP and I’m proud to be part of it. I miss those days. I miss everyone there. I miss the cedar spirit. I miss tty (almost told her to wear our costumes to NDP preview this year). Just keep thinking of the past…I miss going into Singapore Indoor stadium and eat KFC or Pizza Hut. =p!
I love the spectacular fireworks!
It is quite hilarious me and tty link everything in NDP with our subjects. I love allocative efficiency and she loves mkt dd n ss. Do not ask why are we so weird. We wanted to play escalators at marina sq but too malu to do so. This is our new hobby. I enjoy doing crazy things with my bestie! And oh I came up with a nice poem on that day:
You are my heaven and earth
You are my life and love
You are no other than…
*drumroll plz*
ECONS!
(ok I know…it is lame. Sorry for giving people false hope.)
It is the most nostalgic experience I ever had. So what about the pushing and squeezing with people and take an hour walk from National Stadium to Kallang Mrt station that people usually detest? I tell it’ll worth every minutes and seconds of your life.
This is one of the few experiences that only a few privileged can enjoy as not everyone gets to have the tickets. Firstly, I ought to say this is that those people who seem so unenthusiastic about NDP may as well give away tickets. They really do not deserve to be here. The whole sector only tty and me scream the loudest. That is why I say it is nostalgic as the last time I cheered like that it was during my Cedar days? Even I cheered quite loud, the spirit doesn’t feel the same as I had back then.
Another point of nostalgia is that we Cedarians perform the 2003 NDP and I’m proud to be part of it. I miss those days. I miss everyone there. I miss the cedar spirit. I miss tty (almost told her to wear our costumes to NDP preview this year). Just keep thinking of the past…I miss going into Singapore Indoor stadium and eat KFC or Pizza Hut. =p!
I love the spectacular fireworks!
It is quite hilarious me and tty link everything in NDP with our subjects. I love allocative efficiency and she loves mkt dd n ss. Do not ask why are we so weird. We wanted to play escalators at marina sq but too malu to do so. This is our new hobby. I enjoy doing crazy things with my bestie! And oh I came up with a nice poem on that day:
You are my heaven and earth
You are my life and love
You are no other than…
*drumroll plz*
ECONS!
(ok I know…it is lame. Sorry for giving people false hope.)
This is by far the most relax weekend. Maybe it is because I learnt to let go of a lot of things. My skin is a testimony that this weekend is a stress-free one as it improves slightly. I thank God for that. There are many things running into my head. Maybe, I'll start with the biggest decision I’ve ever make.
Firstly, I accept Christ in my life last Saturday at huiying’s church. Unfortunately, I’m still unable to attend church regularly due to my mother. I know she won’t be objecting but hockey has taken a toll on me. I understand the reason she prohibits me to go regularly. I know what the future beholds me. I know to critics (staunch Christians) will be disdain by my ‘serve God later’ mentality. As long as my friends understand me, I’m thankful of it.
Of course, it doesn’t mean that accepting Christ means the problems stop. Problems such as BGR. Not that I’m in one. It is just that your friends are getting attached left right centre make you feel lonely, especially they are your close buddies. What makes it worse people say I’m unromantic.( haha…ok…just kidding yiting and dean.=p!) I guess it really hurts that you like a guy and the guy is oblivious to it and there is no way a girl can express that as it will ruin your image. Salt is rubbed further into the wound if the guy that the girl likes is either attached or going to be attached or simply likes another girl. Agnes said there is a chance but really there is? Haha…
Well…it is ok. I'll get over my disappointment (in fact, I think I’ve got over it). =)!
Firstly, I accept Christ in my life last Saturday at huiying’s church. Unfortunately, I’m still unable to attend church regularly due to my mother. I know she won’t be objecting but hockey has taken a toll on me. I understand the reason she prohibits me to go regularly. I know what the future beholds me. I know to critics (staunch Christians) will be disdain by my ‘serve God later’ mentality. As long as my friends understand me, I’m thankful of it.
Of course, it doesn’t mean that accepting Christ means the problems stop. Problems such as BGR. Not that I’m in one. It is just that your friends are getting attached left right centre make you feel lonely, especially they are your close buddies. What makes it worse people say I’m unromantic.( haha…ok…just kidding yiting and dean.=p!) I guess it really hurts that you like a guy and the guy is oblivious to it and there is no way a girl can express that as it will ruin your image. Salt is rubbed further into the wound if the guy that the girl likes is either attached or going to be attached or simply likes another girl. Agnes said there is a chance but really there is? Haha…
Well…it is ok. I'll get over my disappointment (in fact, I think I’ve got over it). =)!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
what agnes said has provoked me into some thinking.
i cannot choose my life.
my life is choosen by Someone's else.
Just like i cannot choose my friends.
but rather Someone arrange my friends to meet tgt.
sick of mugging. i want poly! y din i heed my mom's advice?din noe jc life really sucks to this core. always thot i'm some hard-core mugger. but i realise i cldnt adapt to it. i'm swimming in the information that they are feeding me.really need hell lots of self-discipline which i nv hv.
thot that after i joined hockey, i'll appreciate n manage my time better. apparently not.
i cannot choose my life.
my life is choosen by Someone's else.
Just like i cannot choose my friends.
but rather Someone arrange my friends to meet tgt.
sick of mugging. i want poly! y din i heed my mom's advice?din noe jc life really sucks to this core. always thot i'm some hard-core mugger. but i realise i cldnt adapt to it. i'm swimming in the information that they are feeding me.really need hell lots of self-discipline which i nv hv.
thot that after i joined hockey, i'll appreciate n manage my time better. apparently not.
today, i pulled out something i wrote shortly after o's release result somewhere in my drawers.
it feel nostagic reading through it.
it makes me realise how happy i was back then for the entire 1st 3 mths.
so glad that i'm bk in aj not somewhere else.
i love my class then. i love my og then.
i love aj ppl!~
I LOVE EVERYTHING!
then now...
i'm so not happy with what i'm doing.
i'm not happy in aj?
M i just demanding too much?
how come i always can adapt b4 ppl do yet in the end i'm the 1 truly cannot adapt?
what if i chose another class?another combi?
tell me how to unite a class that i no longer feel a sense of belonging.
is it cuz of her fault?
is it my fault?
ppl tell me to look forward but i just can't...
wishing to turn back times...
wishing things will always remain the same...
not looking forward to gg to sch tmr...
maybe i do not wish to turn back times..
maybe all i wish is to be truly contented, happy. to be rooted somewhere, hving a sense of belonging, a sense of identity.
it feel nostagic reading through it.
it makes me realise how happy i was back then for the entire 1st 3 mths.
so glad that i'm bk in aj not somewhere else.
i love my class then. i love my og then.
i love aj ppl!~
I LOVE EVERYTHING!
then now...
i'm so not happy with what i'm doing.
i'm not happy in aj?
M i just demanding too much?
how come i always can adapt b4 ppl do yet in the end i'm the 1 truly cannot adapt?
what if i chose another class?another combi?
tell me how to unite a class that i no longer feel a sense of belonging.
is it cuz of her fault?
is it my fault?
ppl tell me to look forward but i just can't...
wishing to turn back times...
wishing things will always remain the same...
not looking forward to gg to sch tmr...
maybe i do not wish to turn back times..
maybe all i wish is to be truly contented, happy. to be rooted somewhere, hving a sense of belonging, a sense of identity.
Replies to taggies:
To a.ong: I don't trust u anymore!!! you've been lying to me since april. how can u been so callous!? just pangseh ur wife and child just littat…:P!
To bert: yea...it has been a long time chatting with u! hope u r doing fine! Haha..this time is my time to get depression liao. :P!
To cherie: hello my junior!! Haha… yesh I rem u I’m not that sotong. Haha.:P!
To xiany…thanks for always been there for me buddy giving me encouragement when I fell flat on the floor. Love ya! *muaks*
To tty: I'll kill you if u pangseh me again ar!!!wahaha. oh well…yup another bout of depression but I'm thankful that I'll always have u. despite the distance we hving u r always my closest frenz. Haha. So romantic right? LOL.
To anqi: yea! I miss u flooding my tagboard. Haha. Thanks for making me see things more positively! Love u darling!! We’ll have all the a's in the world we want! =)! 4 a's!! here we come!!!
To jon: haha..this is gg to contradicts what I just said to anqi. Well… set higher expectations ba since I nv seem to achieve my target. At least I wont get that bad. Lol..
To a.ong: I don't trust u anymore!!! you've been lying to me since april. how can u been so callous!? just pangseh ur wife and child just littat…:P!
To bert: yea...it has been a long time chatting with u! hope u r doing fine! Haha..this time is my time to get depression liao. :P!
To cherie: hello my junior!! Haha… yesh I rem u I’m not that sotong. Haha.:P!
To xiany…thanks for always been there for me buddy giving me encouragement when I fell flat on the floor. Love ya! *muaks*
To tty: I'll kill you if u pangseh me again ar!!!wahaha. oh well…yup another bout of depression but I'm thankful that I'll always have u. despite the distance we hving u r always my closest frenz. Haha. So romantic right? LOL.
To anqi: yea! I miss u flooding my tagboard. Haha. Thanks for making me see things more positively! Love u darling!! We’ll have all the a's in the world we want! =)! 4 a's!! here we come!!!
To jon: haha..this is gg to contradicts what I just said to anqi. Well… set higher expectations ba since I nv seem to achieve my target. At least I wont get that bad. Lol..
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Feeling displaced from the class,
Like a ghost wandering aimlessly.
It scares the hell out of me that recently I’ve grown softer, meeker and certainly quieter. Some of my CCA friends notice this change in me. I’m like a time bomb ready to explode at any time. I’m afraid that if I keep suppressing my feelings at this rate, I’ll eventually break down again.
I just do not feel like sharing my problems anymore. I am sick of being weak. I am sick of whining to people as it will have a negative impact on me too if I keep repeating the same things. I just feel like keeping my mouth shut, being oblivious to the world (as if the world really cares about my existence). It doesn’t feel good being neglected but I rather be alone and aloof.
I’m wondering am I your friend or not? I tried sticking to some friends but I guess I’m too sticky huh? I do not know. I really do not know.
I don’t like people anymore. What is the point of being constantly being hurt by people? Moreover, it is not them who hurt me but I hurt myself. I realize I’m really childish but I tried, I tried very hard to think positive. This is one of my best attempts already.
I try injecting positive thoughts on myself. It is one of the most onerous tasks I’ve ever done. It is like you cannot control your emotions yet you are doing so. It is like going against nature.
On a lighter note, I’m happy that I’m getting closer to some hockey girls. It feels good to bond, to know that we are in this thing together. It feels good that you are not alone. Moreover, I realize I’m not the only one that contemplates on quitting. There are a few who shared and I guess we’ll just push each other to the end. I hate giving up things halfway. Do I ever regret joining it? Nope, no matter how tired it will get.
Is there something wrong with me? Why I can never fit into any class that I’ve been in?
I’m sick of mugging…
Like a ghost wandering aimlessly.
It scares the hell out of me that recently I’ve grown softer, meeker and certainly quieter. Some of my CCA friends notice this change in me. I’m like a time bomb ready to explode at any time. I’m afraid that if I keep suppressing my feelings at this rate, I’ll eventually break down again.
I just do not feel like sharing my problems anymore. I am sick of being weak. I am sick of whining to people as it will have a negative impact on me too if I keep repeating the same things. I just feel like keeping my mouth shut, being oblivious to the world (as if the world really cares about my existence). It doesn’t feel good being neglected but I rather be alone and aloof.
I’m wondering am I your friend or not? I tried sticking to some friends but I guess I’m too sticky huh? I do not know. I really do not know.
I don’t like people anymore. What is the point of being constantly being hurt by people? Moreover, it is not them who hurt me but I hurt myself. I realize I’m really childish but I tried, I tried very hard to think positive. This is one of my best attempts already.
I try injecting positive thoughts on myself. It is one of the most onerous tasks I’ve ever done. It is like you cannot control your emotions yet you are doing so. It is like going against nature.
On a lighter note, I’m happy that I’m getting closer to some hockey girls. It feels good to bond, to know that we are in this thing together. It feels good that you are not alone. Moreover, I realize I’m not the only one that contemplates on quitting. There are a few who shared and I guess we’ll just push each other to the end. I hate giving up things halfway. Do I ever regret joining it? Nope, no matter how tired it will get.
Is there something wrong with me? Why I can never fit into any class that I’ve been in?
I’m sick of mugging…
Monday, July 17, 2006
Sitting here in the school com lab,
feeling very very cold,
so tired of putting a facade of a clown,
so tired of crying angry and happy.
Becoming someon who is numb to all emoions.
is something yet I cannot do.
Today in the morning assembly, a girl from the debate socity gave a speech which i find it insightful and so relevant in many of our teenagers' lives. It is certainly thought-provoking.
I admire her courage and dictation.Haha..a bit weird to say dictation. Anyway, it makes me realise I no longer want to hide. I just want to be myself. Be happy when I'm happy. Be angry with people who deserve my wrath. Feel like crying and I'll just cry. Having no obligations to fulfil.Yet, will it ever truly exist?
Today start off as a bad day but ended with a light note. Life is like that, aint it? You will never know what is going to happen next. Moreover, you are going to search for the answers, not preparing a politically correct one.
I wish life can go more of my way.
I hate politically correct answers
Alright. I'm aiming for 4As for promos since people are EXPECTING me to do so. So sick of hearing ''jerlyn, you are not performing up to expectations."
Anyway, what do I have to be proud and stress of? I forgot I used to come from a school where almost everyone is pretty, committed to CCA and still can score 3A for their CTs in theirs top 5 college. Someone just jolted my memory. Guess what? I'm aiming to be one of the high-fliers.
Turning negative into positive.
Someone imitated me on Jon's blog. I really wonder who can be so 'bo liao'. All those readings my imitators tag on his blog, I just want to clarify that it wasnt me especially those with f word. Those who doesnt know me why may not know I for all the words cannot stand the f one. Call me a prude or what?I do not care. It actually reflects my upbringing. Yes, I do admit I do swear at certain occasions but I do not use such rude remarks loosely. If anyone just uses your name and start using f word around, I wonder would you feel insulted as I do?
The reason why I do not respond. There is no point for me to do so. The imitator may react in a more negative ways which i dare not fathom.
feeling very very cold,
so tired of putting a facade of a clown,
so tired of crying angry and happy.
Becoming someon who is numb to all emoions.
is something yet I cannot do.
Today in the morning assembly, a girl from the debate socity gave a speech which i find it insightful and so relevant in many of our teenagers' lives. It is certainly thought-provoking.
I admire her courage and dictation.Haha..a bit weird to say dictation. Anyway, it makes me realise I no longer want to hide. I just want to be myself. Be happy when I'm happy. Be angry with people who deserve my wrath. Feel like crying and I'll just cry. Having no obligations to fulfil.Yet, will it ever truly exist?
Today start off as a bad day but ended with a light note. Life is like that, aint it? You will never know what is going to happen next. Moreover, you are going to search for the answers, not preparing a politically correct one.
I wish life can go more of my way.
I hate politically correct answers
Alright. I'm aiming for 4As for promos since people are EXPECTING me to do so. So sick of hearing ''jerlyn, you are not performing up to expectations."
Anyway, what do I have to be proud and stress of? I forgot I used to come from a school where almost everyone is pretty, committed to CCA and still can score 3A for their CTs in theirs top 5 college. Someone just jolted my memory. Guess what? I'm aiming to be one of the high-fliers.
Turning negative into positive.
Someone imitated me on Jon's blog. I really wonder who can be so 'bo liao'. All those readings my imitators tag on his blog, I just want to clarify that it wasnt me especially those with f word. Those who doesnt know me why may not know I for all the words cannot stand the f one. Call me a prude or what?I do not care. It actually reflects my upbringing. Yes, I do admit I do swear at certain occasions but I do not use such rude remarks loosely. If anyone just uses your name and start using f word around, I wonder would you feel insulted as I do?
The reason why I do not respond. There is no point for me to do so. The imitator may react in a more negative ways which i dare not fathom.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
What is this? Teenagers undergoing severe crisis? The same thing in most blogs I read: parents screaming at kids who did not do well, trying to find one's close friends, trying not to be left out, trying to balance schoolwork and cca and other commitments etc. I'm actually glad to read all this.Haha... It is nice to know that one is not alone.
I dislike 4 types of people currently(note dislike not hate):
1>People who keep trying to imitate their counterparts. For goodness sake, I do not think it is cool if you ask me. I cannot stand your imitation of your "leader" all the times. Have not you all figure out that isn't the route to friendship?
2>People who are just oblivious of you and your investment in a friendship. I tell you there is a difference between I am really busy and I cannot meet you up and oh..I do not feel like going out.
3>People who pretend to act like a leader or people who think they can be a better leader when they are not.Cum on!If you cannot even be humble, you tell me how you become a leader?
4>People who are so irresponsible. Don't you understand half of your life is filled with obligations?( quote from desperate housewives)
p/s my chi very funny meh!??
I dislike 4 types of people currently(note dislike not hate):
1>People who keep trying to imitate their counterparts. For goodness sake, I do not think it is cool if you ask me. I cannot stand your imitation of your "leader" all the times. Have not you all figure out that isn't the route to friendship?
2>People who are just oblivious of you and your investment in a friendship. I tell you there is a difference between I am really busy and I cannot meet you up and oh..I do not feel like going out.
3>People who pretend to act like a leader or people who think they can be a better leader when they are not.Cum on!If you cannot even be humble, you tell me how you become a leader?
4>People who are so irresponsible. Don't you understand half of your life is filled with obligations?( quote from desperate housewives)
p/s my chi very funny meh!??
World Cup ended Italy won. All my favourite teams lost. Super sad but here's what I conclude. Anyway, I am no football analyst expert so yup this is how i feel and saw. So please do not criticise me. Thank You.Haha...
The most heartbreaking almost goal:
C.Ronaldo gave the free kick that almost went in b4 Figo go and knock it away.
The most heartbreaking moment:
Zidane got a red card and France lost.
oh Zidane!!Why did you do that??
The best goalkeeper:
The portugual goalkeeper who saved 3 England penalty shots.
The nicest butt referee:
I can't remember.haha.i think he refereed for the germany-argentina match.
My idol:
That Brazil player that starts with a R with long curly hair and bug-bunny teeth.
Haha...sorry. cannot even remember my idol's name. haha.
He's cute with his grin!")!
The most heartbreaking almost goal:
C.Ronaldo gave the free kick that almost went in b4 Figo go and knock it away.
The most heartbreaking moment:
Zidane got a red card and France lost.
oh Zidane!!Why did you do that??
The best goalkeeper:
The portugual goalkeeper who saved 3 England penalty shots.
The nicest butt referee:
I can't remember.haha.i think he refereed for the germany-argentina match.
My idol:
That Brazil player that starts with a R with long curly hair and bug-bunny teeth.
Haha...sorry. cannot even remember my idol's name. haha.
He's cute with his grin!")!
I love these two quotes that I feel it is quite relevant to me in these days.
"Success isn't final.Failure isn't fatal. It is the courage to continue on that counts."
Winston Churchhill
"God grant me the serendity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Reinhold Niebuhr
I do not think i need to explain. It serves as an inspiration to me. I hope I can spread this inspiration to everyone who needs it.")!
Anyway, I am feeling hopeless these few days. Yet, somehow, it feels different this time round. This hopelessness has sparked a spur of motivation for me to do well in various fields. I used to think I really sucks in everything and wallows myself into self-pity. Now, it has become a strength for me to do well and be on the top. It has become my source of strength and perserverance.
I survived one crisis. But can i survive another?
"Success isn't final.Failure isn't fatal. It is the courage to continue on that counts."
Winston Churchhill
"God grant me the serendity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Reinhold Niebuhr
I do not think i need to explain. It serves as an inspiration to me. I hope I can spread this inspiration to everyone who needs it.")!
Anyway, I am feeling hopeless these few days. Yet, somehow, it feels different this time round. This hopelessness has sparked a spur of motivation for me to do well in various fields. I used to think I really sucks in everything and wallows myself into self-pity. Now, it has become a strength for me to do well and be on the top. It has become my source of strength and perserverance.
I survived one crisis. But can i survive another?
Saturday, July 08, 2006
| You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy |
 |
woah...haha...i think that explains a lot why i am still single.
Friday, July 07, 2006
My emotions have been a roller-coaster ride.
I am super tired for feeling this way.
I cried last night not knowing why.
Maybe I know why but i do not wish to repeat the story again.
It has been twice this week that I cried.
The most amusing thing from it is that my mom thought i broke up with my bf when i do not even have one.
She doesn't know she is the source of my upset.
Hongchia said my stress is stemmed by too much social expectations of me.
Maybe.
My back hurt so much yesterday that i couldnt even stand upright.It is so much better today.
However, I ended up not playing volleyball with the other four.
I know it is a very irresponsible of me to do so but I am really sorry.
Regarding qingying feeling disappointed in me saying 4z not united.
I just want to clarify that I do not hate the class.
I guess different people entitled to different opinion.
I still remember it as the most selfish class.
overflooding,overwhelmed...
I am super tired for feeling this way.
I cried last night not knowing why.
Maybe I know why but i do not wish to repeat the story again.
It has been twice this week that I cried.
The most amusing thing from it is that my mom thought i broke up with my bf when i do not even have one.
She doesn't know she is the source of my upset.
Hongchia said my stress is stemmed by too much social expectations of me.
Maybe.
My back hurt so much yesterday that i couldnt even stand upright.It is so much better today.
However, I ended up not playing volleyball with the other four.
I know it is a very irresponsible of me to do so but I am really sorry.
Regarding qingying feeling disappointed in me saying 4z not united.
I just want to clarify that I do not hate the class.
I guess different people entitled to different opinion.
I still remember it as the most selfish class.
overflooding,overwhelmed...
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Here are some things that had occurred over the past few days...
CT results.wow.haha.darn.guess what?so far for all the tests i am always 0.5mark to the next grade.wow.wow.wow.so much of not caring about grades.that is the bad news. the good news is that 1 will be rounded up and another paper i argued with my maths teacher to get that 0.5mark.haha. in the end, i am thankful for today.i was at first really upset but i am delight at how things turn out.'')!
hockey...i think i am the worst even the teacher notices me.i'm having a hard time bucking up.my back aches like hell.it is not the simple strain.it is like i cannot describe pain.it is numb and pain and i don know. yet, i really enjoy hockey today. i can see the girls are bonding!'')!A lot people are speaking up and interacting instead of their own partners. i am making more friends or darlings.
i like the bf theory agnes shared with me.
good ones are taken.(sometimes i wonder y cant we be the ones taking the gd ones)
bad ones are full of shit.
gay ones are out of order.
how true.
haha.
i just want to be somewhere secure.i do not know.ppl think i'm actually in the most secure position.i am not.i tried a diff approach since sch reopens hanging with this girl that share the same sentiments.i guess i end up hurting her.i make her hang out with another 2 ppl she doesnt want to hang out with(there's a diff she doesnt want to hang out w n she doesnt like).i dunnoe...i wish fate makes the decision for me.i feel like gg bk to cedar.to 2o.to4z.just to be with tty and xiany.just to be with anna huiyi amanda(i'm not very very close to them but they gave me a lot of security of a friendship).at least i feel secure.
i wish my mom can stop yelling at me.
she think she can be the one depressed and i cannot.
y when i tell the adults i need professional help but they chose to ignore me?
i feel like crying.
i feel so hopeless and useless.
when can i truly be happy?
where was the cheerful me?
why am i losing faith?
tears dropping now...
CT results.wow.haha.darn.guess what?so far for all the tests i am always 0.5mark to the next grade.wow.wow.wow.so much of not caring about grades.that is the bad news. the good news is that 1 will be rounded up and another paper i argued with my maths teacher to get that 0.5mark.haha. in the end, i am thankful for today.i was at first really upset but i am delight at how things turn out.'')!
hockey...i think i am the worst even the teacher notices me.i'm having a hard time bucking up.my back aches like hell.it is not the simple strain.it is like i cannot describe pain.it is numb and pain and i don know. yet, i really enjoy hockey today. i can see the girls are bonding!'')!A lot people are speaking up and interacting instead of their own partners. i am making more friends or darlings.
i like the bf theory agnes shared with me.
good ones are taken.(sometimes i wonder y cant we be the ones taking the gd ones)
bad ones are full of shit.
gay ones are out of order.
how true.
haha.
i just want to be somewhere secure.i do not know.ppl think i'm actually in the most secure position.i am not.i tried a diff approach since sch reopens hanging with this girl that share the same sentiments.i guess i end up hurting her.i make her hang out with another 2 ppl she doesnt want to hang out with(there's a diff she doesnt want to hang out w n she doesnt like).i dunnoe...i wish fate makes the decision for me.i feel like gg bk to cedar.to 2o.to4z.just to be with tty and xiany.just to be with anna huiyi amanda(i'm not very very close to them but they gave me a lot of security of a friendship).at least i feel secure.
i wish my mom can stop yelling at me.
she think she can be the one depressed and i cannot.
y when i tell the adults i need professional help but they chose to ignore me?
i feel like crying.
i feel so hopeless and useless.
when can i truly be happy?
where was the cheerful me?
why am i losing faith?
tears dropping now...
ok...before i warn you guys...this is yet another depressing entry.
what am i doing with my life?
Help!i need some answers...
I'm beginning to lose faith...
oh no...
i do not know why am i feeling this way?
conflict will be a nice word.
please renew my faith
i couldnt believe what i just said.
those ugly words that spurt out of my mouth.
Trying to believe what i used not to believe...
what am i doing with my life?
Help!i need some answers...
I'm beginning to lose faith...
oh no...
i do not know why am i feeling this way?
conflict will be a nice word.
please renew my faith
i couldnt believe what i just said.
those ugly words that spurt out of my mouth.
Trying to believe what i used not to believe...
Monday, July 03, 2006
i cut my hair today
i lied to the hairstylist today
i change those clothes my ahma bought for me.
i went novena to check out on addidas jacket but there are none."(!
i just heard my grandma complaining to my auntie (i dunnoe for wad!?) my room is super messy
i think so too..wahhaha.
i am bored.
dean said that i look 30% the only child.
he's the 1st to say that.
sobx.
i did some surveys on personality stuff.
very fun. i'm half girl half guy.
i think the survey got it wrong.
i think i'm more girl than guy.
eating dinner now...
i lied to the hairstylist today
i change those clothes my ahma bought for me.
i went novena to check out on addidas jacket but there are none."(!
i just heard my grandma complaining to my auntie (i dunnoe for wad!?) my room is super messy
i think so too..wahhaha.
i am bored.
dean said that i look 30% the only child.
he's the 1st to say that.
sobx.
i did some surveys on personality stuff.
very fun. i'm half girl half guy.
i think the survey got it wrong.
i think i'm more girl than guy.
eating dinner now...
Sunday, July 02, 2006
wow.the last 24 hrs in my life has been pretty exciting. i'm thankful that it has been a great day!'')!i shall TRY to summarise it.haha.
went emm's hse catch football.was quite shocked that england and brazil(esp brazil) lost.
england vs portugal match:boring but glad that england lost.haha
brazil vs france match: quite fun looking at the high speed BUT i fell asleep 25 mins after match. Woke up when i heard goal!!!!! which i woke up in shock to know that it belongs to france and emm n her bro turned and stare at me.haha.pretty embarrassing.
after the match ended: i cannot believe it i was super awake la!!!haha.darn.awake at the wrong time.i slept throughout the whole match. and i watched desperate housewives. ok what.. not super funny though i laugh at some parts and emm think i am mad.haha.
emm n tty solve jigsaw puzzle. i did help A LITTLE.hehe...i think 3 pieces?
reach home 8am n slept and overslept
4pm:went shopping with gongx and ahma.i've got a puma bag n mickey mouse shirt!!i want the belt i saw!!haha.intending to buy.i miss shopping a lot.sigh.but today only i spent as ahma and gongx on low budget.
10pm:reach home and has been online since then( eh i got bathe 1st la but dun have to include this details.writting it now just in case ppl think i'm a dirty pig.haha)
msn chat with-
huiying:wow.today it is the first day that i knew her so much. i am truly thankful to know of another frens who shared exactly the same sentiments with me. the class. the agony of being alone despite the socializing.cover a lot of things.haha. n also i note that was the first time she talk so much to me online.haha.
huiying makes me realise something that i'm truly thankful of. it is the fact that no matter what happen, whatever bad or happy events that have occurred, my best frenz xiany,tty and gong have always been there for me. we may not be in the same class or same cca or even same sch(notice it is' or' not 'and') yet we still remain the best of buds.hence i disagreed with what huiying said about best frens drifting apart.perhaps i was really lucky.even tty shared the same sentiments i've said.
xiany:my everdearest pal.you'll probably read the same thing i had chat with ya.she shared with me someone's blog that really makes me ashamed of myself. it makes me reflect and appreciate life better. it really makes you a better person after you read that blog.
she also shared another frens's blog. I am so happy after reading it! It is this ajc-ian who is proud of our school by writing about it. i am so proud of him cuz he's such a rare breed in aj!!if you are one of those cynical of aj, absolutely hate this and that of aj.then take a proactive stand and participate and turn aj into the school of your dream instead of keep whining about it as it aint gg to help.
i used to be one of those whiner i admit it.but i change after much talks from those seniors who love aj and teachers who keep trying to change our perspectives. I think they did a great job. i want to be the part of the change too. the change of turning aj a dynamic school. i am sure aj can be that if everyone believes in it.
do u think i am actually proud that aj is known for nth but a mugger school among my non-aj frens?no, i aint. that is y i want to change.n the change starts from all of us.i've changed.have you?
just wanting to change the stereotype...
went emm's hse catch football.was quite shocked that england and brazil(esp brazil) lost.
england vs portugal match:boring but glad that england lost.haha
brazil vs france match: quite fun looking at the high speed BUT i fell asleep 25 mins after match. Woke up when i heard goal!!!!! which i woke up in shock to know that it belongs to france and emm n her bro turned and stare at me.haha.pretty embarrassing.
after the match ended: i cannot believe it i was super awake la!!!haha.darn.awake at the wrong time.i slept throughout the whole match. and i watched desperate housewives. ok what.. not super funny though i laugh at some parts and emm think i am mad.haha.
emm n tty solve jigsaw puzzle. i did help A LITTLE.hehe...i think 3 pieces?
reach home 8am n slept and overslept
4pm:went shopping with gongx and ahma.i've got a puma bag n mickey mouse shirt!!i want the belt i saw!!haha.intending to buy.i miss shopping a lot.sigh.but today only i spent as ahma and gongx on low budget.
10pm:reach home and has been online since then( eh i got bathe 1st la but dun have to include this details.writting it now just in case ppl think i'm a dirty pig.haha)
msn chat with-
huiying:wow.today it is the first day that i knew her so much. i am truly thankful to know of another frens who shared exactly the same sentiments with me. the class. the agony of being alone despite the socializing.cover a lot of things.haha. n also i note that was the first time she talk so much to me online.haha.
huiying makes me realise something that i'm truly thankful of. it is the fact that no matter what happen, whatever bad or happy events that have occurred, my best frenz xiany,tty and gong have always been there for me. we may not be in the same class or same cca or even same sch(notice it is' or' not 'and') yet we still remain the best of buds.hence i disagreed with what huiying said about best frens drifting apart.perhaps i was really lucky.even tty shared the same sentiments i've said.
xiany:my everdearest pal.you'll probably read the same thing i had chat with ya.she shared with me someone's blog that really makes me ashamed of myself. it makes me reflect and appreciate life better. it really makes you a better person after you read that blog.
she also shared another frens's blog. I am so happy after reading it! It is this ajc-ian who is proud of our school by writing about it. i am so proud of him cuz he's such a rare breed in aj!!if you are one of those cynical of aj, absolutely hate this and that of aj.then take a proactive stand and participate and turn aj into the school of your dream instead of keep whining about it as it aint gg to help.
i used to be one of those whiner i admit it.but i change after much talks from those seniors who love aj and teachers who keep trying to change our perspectives. I think they did a great job. i want to be the part of the change too. the change of turning aj a dynamic school. i am sure aj can be that if everyone believes in it.
do u think i am actually proud that aj is known for nth but a mugger school among my non-aj frens?no, i aint. that is y i want to change.n the change starts from all of us.i've changed.have you?
just wanting to change the stereotype...