always.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mr Lim (my econs tuition teacher) was commenting we should not be an average Singaporean.
It jolts me of what my pastor once said,
"what is the point of living a typical Singaporean life?
grow up get good grades get scholarship go good course get good bf/gf
get married have kids.get $$.get big big house.get big big car.become CEO.
and the cycle repeats."

i cannot help but agree.
and you know what is the worst thing?
people think they are happy once they reach one stage of their life
from the previous level
for instance getting a gf/bf
but you realise typical Singaporean are not happy
because they haven reach the next stage i.e getting big car etc.

all of our lives we always searching to be someone different
yet we are suck into this homogenuity.
it goes back my stance:
i do not wish to be a typical Singaporean
cuz i am already set apart by God.=)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

just so thankful,
for a wondrous BIG God.
Gp was really crap, wasn't on form.
but God just put peace and assurance in my heart
(not that i'll get an A or what)
but assurance everything will be alright.=)

keep that little faith burning.=)

Sunday, October 28, 2007

if indigent people can wake up every morning 5am
just to pray for hoGc
what more about us?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

thank God for tracy! =)

me: i can only come (church)for half an hr, so may as well dun come on fri?
tracy: i think you should come on friday because it is good for you despite the half an hour.

haha.and i never regret going for that half an hour.=)

been in church today(sat) again.
and i tell you it is such a breather
from all the rubbish in my head for the past few days.
=)
i just enjoy hanging out with churchies
they are just so FUN and PURE.
and so REAL.

you know in life
there are people who manipulates you
but churchies are different
they are like so..i cant describe.
so holy.haha.
so exciting to be an on-fire christian

and seriously i cannot wait for A's to end.
while others are worried for a life with no purpose
i am worried i do not have enough time.=)
21nov:parachute band
27nov-29nov:zone D camp
the 1st 2 weeks of dec:Vacation Bible School
then comes christmas and hearts awards all over again
and oh oh i forgot to add in
i'll be back in usher!!!!! =)

WOW.who says a christian life is boring.
i figure out mine aint.
so, come and join me today!!!=)

a life with Purpose
thank You, Jesus.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

do you know i love God like
really really a lot?
(despite all the stuff that satan trying to throw me off)
=).
never want to be the same again.

i am so going to get AAAAA with God in it.=)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

sweep me off my feet with your sweetness,
but i know they are all illusion.
i will and always be
standing for One.

i so enjoy being a single.=)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

think i wrote this about a year ago.=)
just randomly lose my concentration on studies
and start opening files of what i randomly typed.
anw, it goes sth like this,

"

There are many things in the world we can live on but not many we can live for. I realize things such as popularity and fame can be easily given to one and it can easily be taken away too. Maybe God wants me to experience this to understand that only His glory last forever.

But after this great fall, I felt so much pain and hurt (people call me over-sensitive) that I find it hard to pick myself up again. I guess it is hard. Really very hard. Up till now, I’m still battling with depression. I tried but I kept falling. No one knows but I am still struggling deep inside. I know emotions can be controlled as long as you want it to. But, I just can’t. I find it so hard to trust and know new people due to bad experience. I feel it hard to go n love a person as preached in the bible. (I am not referring to the typical BGR) Due to this guarded up feelings, I learnt I hurt myself even more. I prefer that. No, I do not. I know I do not. But, I am thinking if I can make a person less pain-free. Why not? I pray that I will be healed one day. But, I need someone to guide me, especially this period of time. This is so that I will not lose faith in Him. I know I can depend on church friends, my care group members(I still do not know most of them). But I find it so hard. I find it so hard to open up, to trust and to love them.

The truth is I do not know why I am depressed. I thought I am healed already. Then, I realized I never completely open up my heart to anyone. I can pray endlessly but still I cannot feel Your presence. When I am upset, people tell me to pray. But, I need guidance on how to pray and how to seek You. I really want to establish deep relationship with You! I am hungry for You.

I do not know why I am still crying. I am so ashamed to cry. I do wish to reveal my weaknesses. I do not want to cry. But, tears keep streaming in. People are tired of me crying. I am tired too. Trust me.

My spiritual gift is exhortation. I really do not know how to make use of this.

thank you Jesus =)

just another phase.
that was one year ago me.
i cannot wait for a year from now of me.=)

this race is just You and me.
and nobody else and nothing matters.

stop this psychological warfare
and there's no please for u.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

you know what i seriously wish?
i wish that aj really really do really well for A's
cuz i think the teachers here really deserve something special from us.
especially all their hard work
that you cannot find in other jcs.

Friday, October 19, 2007

haven't been a good girl.
sorry Daddy.=(
A's has been a trial.
just want to thank those sweet msges flooding in
i am indeed truly blessed.=)

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Albert Einstein famously claimed that if he had known his work would lead to the invention of atomic bombs, he would never studied Physics.

then why am i studying physics for?
haha.
i love gp.
i love the way people express themselves thru language.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

just some random thoughts.

do you belong to the group in which you wanted this girl/guy so badly,
and your heart just aches seeing the girl/ guy
so close yet so far.
seeing the same girl/guy languishing in the same pain
as she/he desiring somebody else
as you desire her/him?

or do you belong to the group that you loved Someone
so deeply and passionately
and that that Person loves you equally or even more back.

i certainly belongs to the latter one.=).
thank You, Jesus! =)

Monday, October 15, 2007

new cg!
alrighties i'm pretty excited about the whole thing
(except the fact i am gg to be the 2nd oldest)
HAHA.

1st time so big a restructure.oh wells.
but i am sure this is what God wants.=)

Saturday, October 13, 2007

i was watching a short documentary on depression.
and i can tell you i so easily identified with the girl's feelings.
i really thank God that i got out of this whole crappy feelings.
it wasnt a phase, i went to see doc about it
and they thought i was just undergoing a phase.
>.<

if you are ever depress/sucidal etc, sms me, call me or msn me
cuz i will bring to an awesome place that i went
that relieve all my pains in the past.=)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

took a lot of pic today.
was especially happy with taking pic with DE people.
haha.i love the one that eric tried kissing shihao.
haha.
pic will be up soon
nevertheless, glad school ended.haha

i learnt something.
i really really need You.=)

for the first time in my life,
i really wish school doesn't end fast.=)

cant believe a year ago, i was whining to gerry
that i hated school so much that i wanted to get out
and truly now i dun wish to get out
but i know its going to end
and it better to end
because it has to end?
haha.
it sounded weird

it is as if if it does not end,
i will never ever learn the bitter-sweet feelings.
haha.rubbish me.

Monday, October 08, 2007

just a quick breather(though i doubt i can really breathe)

someone in my block has just passed away
and she is only 50+ and suffered from cancer.
dun now why
just makes me think life is so so so fragile
with so many recent incidents happening

alrighties, jerlyn chan better LIVE your life every sec.=)

i really want it badly.
this is not good enough.

Friday, October 05, 2007

have you ever feel you losing the battle?
(seeing your mom and grandma further from God)
have you ever feel you did not practise what you preach?
(teaching others the right thing yet you are sinning in that area)
have you ever feel so dirty?
(knowing you are to be a leader and should not do things that you really not suppose to do)
have you chase by wild dogs?
(i meant it literally)

have you?
cuz i had.

and God just says,"Follow me."
hungry people are desperate people.=)

she was just 1m from the wild dogs
and she was scared to death.
but when she met eyes to eyes with the dogs.
the dogs ran away.
and she remembered what her pastors told her
,"you are covered by the Blood of jesus
and the spirits will all flee from you."

WOW.

i love being an ON-FIRE christian!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Pastor shared this with us yesterday:

"The economy of the kingdom of God is quite simple.
Every new step in the kingdom
costs us everything we have gained to date.
Every time we cross a new threshold,
it costs us everything we now have.
Every new step may cost us
all the reputation and security we have accumulated up to that point.
It costs us our life.
A disciple is always ready to take the next step.
If there is anything that characterizes Christian maturity,
it is the willingness to become a beginner again
for Jesus Christ.
It is the willingness to put your hand in his hand and say,
‘I’m scared to death,
but I’ll go with You.
You’re the Pearl of great price.' "
-John Wimber

nice.=).

i am hurt with those silly things in my head
i am frustrated with what's going on.
but i am strong.
and i will press on for the kingdom of God.
thank God for a new live! =)