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Friday, March 02, 2007
haha...i am dying from commitments.
unexpectedly, i got into de and pre-u seminar.i am thinking of backing out from pre-u cuz it serves God no purpose except for my testimonial.n a tiny voice inside tells me to give up.this decision has weigh heavily on my mind for the past 24hrs.n how my head hurts. i wish to ask for correct advice but rly i dun see the point too cuz in the end it is my decision not others. i guess the logic is to pray to God to increase my capacity, to lay aside all my wgts of procastination,not following time-table,being lazy n wallow myself up in self-pity etc.i feel that i am not doing my best.i can feel that God indeed increase me but i am not helping myself to accelerate.i am so afraid all the commitments that i am gg to take will affect my involvement in church.yes it is true that there are people who are able to handle so many commitments n score well but i am not like them n i shud not try to be like them cuz i only get myself killed.n if i take up this pre-u sem commitment,i am afraid my commitment to church will decrease and i cldnt face God when i go up to heaven 1 day. the worse is when u hv the choice n the choice clashes ur heart n ur mind. but something just make me think if it is meant to be why God allow me to pass thru that audition,is it a test of faith of whether i will put Him 1st or God really wants to show me sth thru that experience? when i think of God, a sense of peace just overwhelms but i just cldnt stop worrying. n gosh cca is rly sucking me out.phtog rly sucks.but i nv regret cuz i enjoyed their company. my studies, my a's how? i am thinking these 2 commitments can end up being worse than if i had stayed in hockey cuz hockey ends at beginning of may but these 2 commitments ends in june. Nothing can take me away from Him, really nothing?? |