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Saturday, November 25, 2006
Bored. Super bored with this life. I guess it’ll be worse without church. Suddenly, I feel weird with no hockey. Funny eh. See people themselves busy and make me feel guilty. Today Clarence asked me something with regards to what I am doing in. I realize my answer which is the true one is nothing. I am doing nothing. Frankly speaking, I am embarrassed but thinking about there is nothing wrong. I like my current life of doing nothing. Doing nothing doesn’t mean its literal meaning, it just mean I don not have CCA or activities. This is the tranquility which I always wanted and I do not regret. Sitting at home talking to Grandma means more important than doing some sai kang for school. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I think I have grown out from the world standards for people as I am no longer interested in doing them, pleasing people, making myself feel good.
I realize the change when 2 incidents in my extended family happened. The first is that my smart cousin tops his class in HCI. Mind you, I never top my class before. Somemore it is HCI. Of course, being a proud parent cannot resist showing off right? So yup there was my uncle bubbling off. Last time, I used to feel jealous think life is unfair. But now I know, impacting lives is far more important than topping in an elite school. Praise the Lord for changing me! =)! The other incident was when my grandma was praising me to my auntie. And guess what that jealous aunt said? She said my grandma said that because my grandma is biased. Frankly speaking, I am really angry because I still remember one incident when I am forced to agree my auntie’s grand-daughter praises. Now, who do you have the right to say my grandma is biased. Seriously, these people have nothing to do. However, my reaction was surprising as the anger inside of me is mild and subsides quickly unlike the past the same anger would have continue burning bigger. You know what it doesn’t matter what these people say anymore. Live the life you truly be, truly are. That is what I called the real life. Things of the world I am no longer interested. Things of God I am running towards. =)! |