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Thursday, August 31, 2006

Okies... it has been ages since I have blogged. In fact, yesterday I feel like blogging how pissed I was. Pissed at some random things like I did not listen in class. Pissed at the idea that I get tired easily. Pissed at the person who blocked my path and that I almost did not get out of the MRT station. Pissed at why I am so imperfect and so untalented. Pissed at things that ALWAYS never go my way and why I could not receive spiritual guidance during my lowest peaks of extreme sadness.

HOWEVER, God always has a reason for doing so and make me realized how childish I was to think of such thoughts. I only realized this when I was reading The Purpose Driven by Rick Warren. I realize the chapter coincides with what I’ve gone through for the day and really make me learn. If I did not go through all these turmoil of emotions, I would not have fully comprehended the text.

I realize I have not fully surrendered to God and that I have not fully believed in His plan for me. That is because I am afraid I will lose my rationale, afraid of making a decision as I do not know if I'm hearing His voice or mine. Afraid that the decision will cost me dearly. I AM SO FICKLE-MINDED!!

The book wrote that we humans want it all and do it all and if we don't, we respond with envy, jealousy and self-pity. How true. Don't you people who read this agree? The reason for these negative emotions is because we WANT it our way not God's way. Now, it makes sense to me. I'll just keep doing things that don’t make sense such as mugging, trusting in His plan and totally surrendering to Him.=)!

Another lesson learnt is that I know why I need to go through all those sufferings. I was so tired at a point of time, wondering why I must go through the cycle of anger, sadness then to happiness over and over again. It makes me so emotionally drained. The book also mentioned that these sufferings are to fulfill Your purpose and glory in my life. Now I understand, and I won’t complain of these sufferings if my suffering can help another person.

Giving...