always.

Friday, August 04, 2006

I really do not know where to start. Maybe I should not even be blogging. I should be doing PW now. Learning to let go of things. Some stuff like PW, responsibilty...

Today is a world record. I broke down five times for no substantial reasons if you ask me. Things just escalates. I've to say this it feels good after crying. I just enjoy being alone. I think it is super embarrassing to cry so badly. Can't help it. Just letting it drop is better than people advising me not to be sad.

I wish people see me more as a friend than "obligator". If you feel bad about me being lonely though you do not wish to hang out with me. It is ok you know...I rather you do not hang out with me. This is so as I do not wish I cause any hurt just like someone else has done to me.
Can't you see you are my source of misery too?
I wonder why do I wait for people who doesnt even wait for me?
You think I really like to sit in a group to be isolated?
It is always odd number no matter where I go.
I tried to engagae with the conversation and this girl from the clique just told me off by saying, "Can you don't sit so near?" (For your info, the girl is from my classand her name starts with a K)
Do you know after you said that I never want to sit near you people.
I wonder have you though how insensitive you are?
I wonder what is the difference between sitting in a group and sitting alone?
I wonder what common topics I can share with you(another person)?

I am only human with feelings. Who cannot take it when you feel like you do not have a family and friends?

I know my class has many nice people who care about me. I know many will say, "I'm your friend what..."
Really?Since when? How come I don't even know?
You all are just acquaintances. ( I do not bear any ill-feelings towards anyone just merely stating some facts)
I know my friends. I can even count them.

Family situation aint any better except no matter what I still love my grandma!

People ask," Are you ok?"
I really do not know.
I think 'No' will be a great answer.

People tell me to turn to God.
He is the only reason keeping my mind sane.
He is the reason I'm still alive.
I did.

Terence said that the jerlyn i know is always laughing?
oh really? when was the last time I laughed?

Why can't I choose to be sad? Do you know I was ok until you come over and tried to advise me? You just make me more sad. You probably are angry with the fact that I refuse to listen to you. But, I did not mind being myself. At least I'm representing myself. It is so tiring to put on a facade every single day.
Probably you do not know that I've been crying consecutively everyday at home.

I think I own people an explaination. So here it is. A lot of people will probably ask me again, " Am i Ok?"
I really fine. Just thought that since I own ab explaination, I may as well write what I had truly felt.

I don like ppl...