always.

Friday, December 09, 2005

sighin?

alright dun noe wad to know.i shall then start wads deep inside my thots that none knows.i look @ my face n look @ my left legs.i've beautiful eyes n legs.but wads the point i look ugly becuZ of the scars.1 huge 1.n many dots.i carry these scars everyday in my life.not just physical appearance.scars of my life.i realise y i cant be happy.its my perspective.but i cant help it.i need some1 to counsel me.i'm super serious.not those counsel that make me realise what i lack of n make me feel even more worthless than i am.i know many cant accept cuZ i cant accept meself-some1 who is so ugly,stupid etc.i cant turn my weakness into strengths n i dun know wads my strenths even.everything seem fallin apart.ppl r sick of me gettin depress.but i cant explain these feelings.i really cant.ppl think its stupid cuZ they've nv been thru' what i've gone thru.mayb now i really can understand my mom which i fail to do so.docs say depression can be pass down.well i guess thats y i'm feelin so low.helpless too.wish that some1 cld help me.save me.kk.now lets tok abt events that had happened recently.went out with kush n xiany last wed.didnt know bowlin was so fun n xiany got free games.thats cool.n i've got a strike!!!!!!..ahahha xiany's my lucky star man.when she's not ard, i cant even hit a single pin man.then after that we decided to watch movie.din plan that @ all.its so cool.we watch areon flux.din expect it to be so nice.but xiany din seem to like it.then went seoul n eat for 3hrs..wahahha.saw alicia n a guy n she claims he's her frenZ...(like i'm stupid)..nvm...then watch lights up.funny thing was that each timexiany tries to take a pic it ended up recordin.when we r recordin, yet it was on cam mode n we ended up looking very stupid.ahahaha..wad a nice day in the end!!!!then next few days hv been gg gong hse rentin dvds.quite nice n cheap n her hse got all sort of junkies.no wonder i'm fat.watch elecktra..not very nice as i expected.fantastic 4!!!quite nice n phantom of the opera---thank god there was subtitles or i wld not hv got it esp when the opera singer sang w so much high pitch.i wanted to try but gong don let me...ahahha.next day hv tuition sian.don enjoy it.the teacher is super fast lor.prefer ong slower.more time.more systematic too.but its gd for a change of teacher cuZ i realise to me not many gd teachers end up gd,it keeps changing,hope that miss ho will remain the same standards n i dun wish it to drop like wad happen to miss oh though she's a very nice teacher.went out w suhui the other day.quite fun.though she change a bit n her clothing is very sloppy.ahhahha.but she's got nice skin.so damn jealous man.kk..nth much more exciting in my life i'm looking forward to wed ice-skating!!!!!